~~ Reasons why pizza is the ultimate meal for college students ~~
* It comes right to the door: In a recent study of 171 college students spanning four states, 68% said that they prefer their pizzas to be delivered. We can only conclude that this preference stems from their reluctance to step away from their homework. Only 21% were willing to tear themselves away from their devotion to education by picking up their pizzas. Lastly, 11% chose to devour their pizzas by dining in.
* Timing: 21% of students surveyed said they order pizza after 11 p.m. due to symptoms of late-night muchinitis. Many restaurants are closed by this hour, so the availability of pizza helps maintain its popularity with collegiate munchers.
* Discount coupons: A staggering 66% of students surveyed said that they clip coupons for discounts on their pizzas. We can only assume that these industrious students strive to save money on their pizzas so that they can invest in additional school supplies.
* Safety: One feisty student underscores that when under the influence, he relies on pizza delivery to ensure that he does not try to drive late at night in search of food. Thus, pizza helps prevent drunken foraging in the wee hours of the morning.
* Effortlessness: One college student states that she enjoys the fact that pizza requires “no energy or time to heat.” This education-friendly characteristic about pizza enables students to stay on task longer.
* Math enhancement: Another student notes a preference for pizza, “Because a cheap large carry-out pizza can last for at least 2, usually 3 meals for around or under $6.” Pizza promotes good math skills by prompting students to work out meal-time equations.
* Helps the transition into adulthood: Yet another future leader notes that she likes pizza because she can eat it whenever she wants. Hmph. What do you think of that, mom and dad? Obviously this student may have suffered from a pizza-deprived childhood, and is flexing her brand new pizza-eating muscles.
* Hot or cold: Another student says he finds pizza to be delicious hot or cold. Thus pizza offers an extra slice of versatility to college conscious diners.
* 24/7/365: Lastly, one razor-sharp student notes that it can be eaten as breakfast, lunch, dinner, or at all points in between. This enables students to thwart hunger, which helps them study much more effectively.
“Have I reached Ettapizza University?”
“I’m writing a story that explains why pizza is the ultimate meal for college students. Are you game?”
A brief pause. “Naw, I don’t play anymore. I hurt my knee last year.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I just want to know your opinions on why pizza is so popular with college students.”
“Uh, yeah. I can do that.”
“Good. So tell me, why is pizza the ultimate meal for college students?”
“That’s easy. Cuz pizza’s really good.”
The interviewer sighs heavily. “Could you go into a little more detail, please?”
“Sure. Pizza tastes good and I like it a lot. Here are the bullet points you can put in the fabricated portion of your pizza story:”
* Pizza has evolved into its own basic food group.
* Pizza simplifies meal time. Students don’t need to get up from the table because they can throw it across the room. This works especially well when the pizza is cold.
* It’s easy to store. Pizza can sit on coffee tables overnight after beer has been consumed, and it might still be edible in the morning. How many other dinner foods can make such a bold statement?
* Some pizzas are hotter than others, sort of like dates.
* Pizza provides college students with an ongoing act of nutritional defiance, which allows rebels without causes to feel fulfillment, thus they absorb knowledge better.
* One pizza can feed multiple students. By comparison, try sharing a salad and see how much unwanted saliva you will swap with your roommate. No, don’t.
* Pizza is very easy to transport, especially when cold. Pockets, purses, insides of hats, and duffel bags have all provided save pizza haven at one point or other.
* Pizza allows for liberal creativity. Students can try toppings like frog legs, whipped marshmallow, hot dogs, scrambled eggs or even spaghetti (for serious rebels).
* Pizza works well as an ice breaker. If there’s a lull in the conversation, students can ask, “What’s your favorite kind of pizza?”
* Pizza continuously stimulates the economy by creating and maintaining jobs.
* Eating pizza promotes international respect. How could any student worth his pepperoni find fault with countries that provide such a popular menu selection?
These reasons only express the tip of the pizza iceburg. Take a stroll down university lane sometime and mingle among the students to learn what motivates them pizzatonically.
But use caution, or you might find yourself seeking out your own slice of the economic pizza pie before your research is complete.